what a week!

So this past week was very odd for me! During my entire first trimester I really didn't have a lot of the "normal" pregnancy symptoms. I hardly got sick, maybe 3 time. Food was a little difficult but not to bad, and I managed to sleep just enough ( of course I still wanted more).
Then at the beginning of last week it all hit me like a ton of bricks! I felt awful, exhausted, I was extremely emotional, crancky, and had no desire to do a darn thing. All I could think was " holy crap is this what its going to be like?" I realized however it was my own fault. I am not good with the word no. I commit myself to way to many things. Between my job, social commitments, and wedding stuff I had worn my self out. I'm still doing this. With my 4 days of work (which isn't much thankfully), my all day doctors appointments on Tuesday, and now me saying yes to babysitting for a different family from noon Saturday until 2pm Sunday I ask myself "Am I F-ING MAD???? yes yes I am.
I actually caught myself thinking "Dear God please force me to have to lay around for just a week! That's all I need!" In reality I hope to not be bed ridden at all! I felt/ feel overwhelmed and stressed. I'm constantly worrying or feel guilty about who I'm disappointing or upsetting instead of thinking about what's best for me and baby.
Then today I held one of my dearest, closest, and sweetest friends brand-new baby boy! I held him for only a minute before he needed to eat again but that's all I needed.
I drove home and the tears weld up in my eyes as I thought about the moment I get to meet my sweet angel I worked so hard for, and prayed for my entire life! I realized all the worry, stress, and fear I have had doesn't matter because I will have my baby! My perfect gift! The one thing only Isaac can give me and me give to him. I could careless if my enttiee pregnancy is awful and terrible like last week (all thought I pray not) its all worth it for my sweet baby!
I just want to hold my blessing, and thank God over and over again.
So here's hoping for a smooth rest of the ride! But if its not that's ok, its only 6 more months of my life. I think I can handle that, especially knowing what the end prize is!

Stay tune! The next blog will touch on everyone's questions about my heart disease and pregnancy! Oh man and there is alot!!! Whew!

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The day the world stood still... AKA we found out!!!

Hi everyone!
Ok so I am new to this whole blogging thing so we shall see how it goes! Btw I am not a writer so don't hate on the style! Thanks

As some may know, well most of you know, it has taken Isaac and I a while to get pregnant. We struggled for about 3 years and very actively for about a year!  We struggled so much so, in November we had met with OHSU to start testing and taking steps towards fertility. My first appointment for the first step of medication was going to be January 28th. I was beginning to feel anger every time a new friend told me they were pregnant. Not anger towards them but anger at myself! I had always been a goal setter and always a goal achiever so why was it so hard this time??? What was wrong with me? Was I being punished? No, as it turns out it wasn't in my timing it was in Gods and I finally learned to trust that.

So let me take you back to that faithful day... the day we found out!

It was December 23rd and I had just finished visiting with Krystle and Sadie. We had a wonderful night of exchanging Christmas gifts! I told Krystle that I was going to take a pregnancy test on Christmas morning. Technically my period was supposed to start on the 26th, but wouldn't it be a great gift to find out on Christmas? Well I quickly changed my mind. Every month for the past 10 months I was taking a pregnancy test and every month I got one line, and every month I was depressed for days after seeing the negative result. So this time I thought if I took the test when I got home that night and it was negative and then took it again on Christmas and it still be negative (which in my head was no doubt what the result would be) then at least I would be expecting it and not be depressed on Christmas because I already knew! Well it made sense to me anyways.
So I got home, it was about 11:45. I went to my drawer of test (yes I had a drawer) and I peed on one. I was so positive it would be negative that I: went downstairs, ate some food, did some clean up, fed the dogs, and took them out potty, I completely forgot about the test. Once 15 minutes passed I remembered and ran upstairs only sure to meet my looming negative fate of no baby again.
I grabbed the test and looked down...
Right there were 2 beautiful, bright, full lines. I about died. I began to scream at the top of my lungs OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!! I couldn't find any other words to say. My body began to shake and before I knew it I fell to my knees in the middle of my bedroom floor and sobbed uncontrollably. My head spun so fast all I could think was how sorry I was that I didn't wait for Isaac.
I called Isaac's cell phone. He was of course at work and not answering. In my state of shock and panic I decided to leave a message..... yeah..... it went something like this: " Isaac are you off work? Call me right away its' an emergency... no it's not... yes it is! Just call me" all while my voice was hardly understandable due to the shaking and sobbing. About 5 minutes later my husband called back to find a calmer more composed me. Isaac: "Honey are you ok? What’s wrong? Who died?" Me: calm trying to hide my enthusiasm," Hi honey! I'm sorry I had a moment... everything is fine I was just told some news and it was shocking so my reactions was a little..... Intense? Sorry. I can tell you about it now or when you get home?" Isaac:  In a very uneasy voice, "Well if it's not life threatening then I guess when I get home." Me: cheery " Great see you soon!" hangs up.
Now can you imagine my poor husbands thought process? I'm sure he wanted to leave me right there and then. Uh oh my wife has finally gone crazy!
Well Isaac came home and opened the door slowly. He found me smiling standing in front of him. Very confused and worried he said, " I don't get it! You’re hysterical, then calm, and now smiling? I... I...." Then I held up the test. He looked at it, looked at me and said, " Is that yours?" LOL. I just nodded..... :)
He then opened the door ran around the neighborhood screaming "I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!!!!!!!!" It was beautiful. He ran in hugged me kissed me and we just smiled. I then cried a lot... again!

The next day we were going to my parents and I bought a card that said inside Grandma and Grandpa we are pregnant! While my mother read the card in the kitchen with the entire family around she read it to herself in silence. Then she jumped up, screamed, and cried while squeezing me tight! The rest of my family looked at her like she was a crazy mad women (more then usual). My dad managed to get out the words " What the hell?" I followed with a simple " I'm pregnant" and it was all over from there. My dad shook Isaac's hand, he hugged me tight and kissed the top of my head. My brother and sister cried as they congratulated us! It was a perfect moment!

The next day we went to Isaac's parents house. I gave them the same card. Isaac's mom just yelled out " YOU'RE PREGNANT!?!?!" and everyone else began to hug us and congratulate us while I cried yet again!

On Christmas day we missed Christmas dinner due to Isaac's stomach bug and me having a high fever. We spent the rest of the day in bed.
All I could think at that moment was " This is the best Christmas I have ever had!"

There you have it! Our first day! It was amazing, joyful, and perfect!

Stay tuned and I'll let ya know what happens next!!!