Here we are 11 hours away!

I still can't seem to wrap my head around what's going to happen in the morning. My doctor called me and left a message just to check in and make sure I remembered not eat or drink past midnight. So sweet!
I was doing great today, then I saw my mom and I cried for about a good hour an a half. My tears were representative of every emotion I could possibly feel. I've never felt this before, it so hard to explain. Of course I'm excited but I think I'm equally nervous and scared of the entire process and being a mommy. Isaac put it best. For so long we have been in love with and object (my belly) and a thought of a baby. Now tomorrow that object and thought becomes a real life living breathing child! Its a feeling so hard to describe if you've never been there. Amongst my tears a long time wonderful beautiful best friend of mine called me, Crystal Navarro. And she experienced the same emotions I'm going through now with her son. That brought me so much comfort to know this was normal. When we hung up my husband got down on one knee as I sat on the couch and said "there is something I want to give you, I've wanted to give it to you for a while. Its something I'm giving you as your Husband and soon to be Hunter's father." He then handed me a little box wraped in gold ( I recognized the Kay jewelers wrapping) I looked at him stunned. When I unwrapped it and opened this blue velvet box, I found a beautiful charm that had a silhouette of a gold mother holding her white gold child with a diamond in the center. I was speechless. I just sobbed more. He told me it is to go on the chain the holds the locket he gave me for mothers day with Hunter's picture in it. Its perfect. At that moment a calm came over me that I haven't felt in days. In the charm I also saw a guardian angel holding me! I felt like it was God telling me all was going to be ok. Don't worry, don't cry, because I have you always and forever. I look at my life and I am amazed. I may not be wealthy, I may struggle from time to time, I may be handed difficult cards but I always lean on my Savior and He has given me a beautiful home, a wonderful job, an amazing godsend of a husband, 2 beautiful dogs, a family and family in law beyond words, friends that help me grow and make me better, and now a miracle baby boy! I am so undeserving its insane! But so appreciative.
Thank you all for following me on this journey! My love and heart for you all can not be placed into words! Now tomorrow we close this chapter and start a new! Hang on for the ride because its just starting!
God bless you all!
Isaac's number if you don't have it is 503-956-4440. Feel free to text him at anytime for an update!
May God bless you all!
Tomorrow we welcome a third musketeer!
Love always
Jenn, Isaac, and Hunter!

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The last appointment! Rules and restrictions for visitor!

Well today was the last appointment before Hunter arrives!
We are scheduled for Tuesday August 23rd at 10 am. Isaac and I will be at the hospital at 8am to get all settled in. It will take 3 hours until anyone is allowed to see us. For the first day Isaac, myself, and my doctors feel its best to only have family visit. There are alot of factors playing into that decision. 1) being that Isaac and I really want to share this first with eachother and our families. 2) I'm not sure how I'll be feeling and if I'll be up for "entertaining" people and trying to learn how to be a new mom. 3) There is a chance our son will go through medication withdrawal and I want us to be able to focus on him if that is the case.
There is also certain unknowns in the days to follow the birth. Because I have had a kidney stent for 4 month it has become crusted. Normally a stent removal is no big deal. Its a quick tug out and done. But due to that crusting we know that I will have to be numbed from the waist down, just like I did when it went in, due to the difficulty and pain of pulling it out. The catch is we can't pull it out until we do a CT scan. Well a CT scan can't happen until after Hunter is born.
Here are our two scenarios : best case: I have the baby, all is great and that night or the next day we do the CT scan. The CT scan shows no stone and while I'm still in the hospital the take me back to the OR numb me up and pull it out! All is said and done.
Worst case scenario: I give birth, all is good, we do the CT scan that night or the next day and find a stone or stones that can not pass on their own. We then leave the stent alone. I go home and heal a bit only to have to go back to the hospital and have a procedure done to remove the stone/stones, remove the stent and place a new stent in for a week and then remove that one and all is good.
So as you can see one is a lot longer more aggravating process. We hope for the first of course.
We really want to show off our son and share him with as many people as possible. Unfortunately due to the uncertainty of our situation we just ask that all visitors check with Isaac or myself before coming over. I would hate for you to make the drive and be turned away because I or Hunter are not in a good place to be seen!
That's about it for the update! Please please please pray or send good thoughts are way about the stent. That is my biggest concern right now. I don't want anything to hinder me from being able to take care of my son as his mother!
I love ya all and be ready to welcome our newest member of the family in 6 days!!!! Yay!

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what does it mean to be a mommy?

I sit here night after night wide awake and I let my mind wonder.
Originally we planned on the 20th for our c section but it will be moved up just a few days to accommodate all my doctors schedules. When the day was originally picked we did not take all schedules into consideration.
So on Thursday we will pick a new day! Isaac and I are going to request the 18th because we were married on the 18th of March! I looked at the calendar and realized that is only a week away on Thursday! I can't help but to feel very emotional at the thought of it.
Its so odd the fear that comes over me at the idea of being a new parent. I have taken care of children my entire life! I began babysitting at the age of 11, it was common for me to have at least 5 families at one time! I did that until I was 19 years old! Not to mention having my baby sister who is 10 yrs younger then me! I learned to change a diaper at the age of 9! I went to collage for kindergarten teaching but ended up only getting a degree in ECE (early childhood education ) I'm CPR certified with a concentration on infant and toddler care, I had a 1 yr old live in my house for 8 months, I've taken care of kids on and off for 8 years, and before going on bed rest I was nannying for over a year with 1 yr old twins and a 5 yr old! I even plan on getting my licence and opening my own daycare as a 5+ year goal! On paper I am so qualified for kids! My love and passion to teach and nurture them is something I have always had and always been extremely confident in. Yet here I am a little over a week away from having my very own child and I'm so terrified! What if I break him, or what if I loose my cool, what if I want a break, what if I screw him up, what if something goes wrong with him, what if I'm just not enough? Its so odd for me to be around other children and feel so confident, but facing my own is terrifying! I want him so bad and love him so much already I don't want to screw up! Is this normal? Should I feel so guilty for being so scared?
I'm also terrified of the birthing process. Granted I'm having a c section but will my recovery hinder me being able to care for my baby? How bad will I hurt? What will my emotions do after the hormone drop? (In case you couldn't tell I'm a closet worry basket case! Always have been!)
*Deep breath* I realize I'm only stressing myself out when I don't need to be but yet I can't shut my mind off. I so badly want him here asap but at the same time the little voice in the back of my head says "its ok if you wait little Hunter " moms out there tell me I'm not nuts! Please tell me this is normal?
Its funny too because I look at Isaac and have no doubt he will be the most perfect father! Just today I watched him interact with a friends 2 yr old son and he knew exactly what to do to distract and entertain this boy so mommy could pick upand get ready to go! Again I cry because seeing that lets me know we can do this, and God blessed us for a reason!
Oh man I'm a mess of emotions!

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