Originally we planned on the 20th for our c section but it will be moved up just a few days to accommodate all my doctors schedules. When the day was originally picked we did not take all schedules into consideration.
So on Thursday we will pick a new day! Isaac and I are going to request the 18th because we were married on the 18th of March! I looked at the calendar and realized that is only a week away on Thursday! I can't help but to feel very emotional at the thought of it.
Its so odd the fear that comes over me at the idea of being a new parent. I have taken care of children my entire life! I began babysitting at the age of 11, it was common for me to have at least 5 families at one time! I did that until I was 19 years old! Not to mention having my baby sister who is 10 yrs younger then me! I learned to change a diaper at the age of 9! I went to collage for kindergarten teaching but ended up only getting a degree in ECE (early childhood education ) I'm CPR certified with a concentration on infant and toddler care, I had a 1 yr old live in my house for 8 months, I've taken care of kids on and off for 8 years, and before going on bed rest I was nannying for over a year with 1 yr old twins and a 5 yr old! I even plan on getting my licence and opening my own daycare as a 5+ year goal! On paper I am so qualified for kids! My love and passion to teach and nurture them is something I have always had and always been extremely confident in. Yet here I am a little over a week away from having my very own child and I'm so terrified! What if I break him, or what if I loose my cool, what if I want a break, what if I screw him up, what if something goes wrong with him, what if I'm just not enough? Its so odd for me to be around other children and feel so confident, but facing my own is terrifying! I want him so bad and love him so much already I don't want to screw up! Is this normal? Should I feel so guilty for being so scared?
I'm also terrified of the birthing process. Granted I'm having a c section but will my recovery hinder me being able to care for my baby? How bad will I hurt? What will my emotions do after the hormone drop? (In case you couldn't tell I'm a closet worry basket case! Always have been!)
*Deep breath* I realize I'm only stressing myself out when I don't need to be but yet I can't shut my mind off. I so badly want him here asap but at the same time the little voice in the back of my head says "its ok if you wait little Hunter " moms out there tell me I'm not nuts! Please tell me this is normal?
Its funny too because I look at Isaac and have no doubt he will be the most perfect father! Just today I watched him interact with a friends 2 yr old son and he knew exactly what to do to distract and entertain this boy so mommy could pick upand get ready to go! Again I cry because seeing that lets me know we can do this, and God blessed us for a reason!
Oh man I'm a mess of emotions!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
On a serious note, Welcome to Motherhood. The unknown is always scarier than the reality. Once that little guy comes out, you have to let other people swoop in and care for you AND for Hunter. He is not breakable and once he catches your scent, you are inextricably attached and magically bonded. Like Mother and Son Lucky Charms. You are magically delicious. :) Remember to calm yourself in the morning and send confident messages to him and he will do the rest. Once he arrives, your love will doubly kick in and all your training will naturally kick in too. Other mothers are sitting quietly by to give back to you that which you've given to them. You are covered Ms perfectionist. Sit back and rest in God's arms and let him guide you to where every mother has to go. There are angels at your side ... and they are old hat at this. Peace, Love and Quietness. Take time out to stop worrying ... tell yourself you are happy this little one chose you to be his Mommy. No one doubts how great you will be. Pray for the little pals being born who will grow up to be your little boys friends and classmates. You can't imagine how rich your life will be and the sheer amount of joy that is coming your way. Danica is my angel and she was worth every pain, fear, and trouble I've ever been through. Hunter has a job to do, he's already been assigned in life. "I knew you in the womb ..."
ReplyDeleteLove to you and Isaac and your whole family.
Omg about a week away! The only way you won't be a good mom is if your body won't physically let you, and even then I think you will find a way to be there for him. You know 8saac will be a good dad, you should know you will be a good mom. You two compliment eachother in so many ways, and parenthood will be no different. I think most people wished they would have parents as awesome, caring, func, and good natured as you two. On that note, will you two adopt me? I'm already mostly potty trained and I have a job! Hehe. Just look at the care you put into *unters room, and times that by ten, and that's how much care you will put into that little guy. Love you two and I can't wait to meet him! He even looked cute in the ultra sound!
ReplyDeleteHunter=*unter and func= fun. Sorry apparently my phone won't let me edit this
Oh Jen! I felt the same way! But once you hold that baby in your arms, every bone in your body will be set in motion, you maturnal instincts will kick in and you will know exactly what, how and when to do it all... You will know just what is right for YOUR baby! Never doubt your gut feeling! God gave that to you for a reason! And remember God put THIS baby in YOUR belly for you and Isaac to raise! He hand picked mommy and baby pair! Love you miss!
ReplyDelete